


Nightmare

by HesitateDisintegrate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Nightmares, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24665089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HesitateDisintegrate/pseuds/HesitateDisintegrate
Summary: Dean has a nightmare. Cas comes when he is called.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

Castiel tipped his face to the sky and inhaled slowly, revelling in the crispness of the air. Somehow, standing at the edge of the canyon, simply feeling the width and beauty of this small piece of earth, Castiel knew he did the right thing, sacrificing whatever was required of him to keep the earth whole. 

He rolled his shoulders, ruffling his wings in their dimension before looking around to make sure nobody was near, then snapped them into corporeal existence. With a sigh, he spread them wide and watched as the rising sun glinted off the blue-black feathers. 

Castiel took a half step over the edge, the toes of his boots no longer on the ground, then spread his arms to match his wings in a gesture he knew would be called dramatic, and let himself drop.

The rush of wind over his vessel seemed to sweep away all his thoughts, and as he pulled himself up in flight and swooped with agility through the canyon bends, his only thought was that he understood why the humans called this particular canyon grand. 

This was freedom, to be unbound from the earth, to have no limits on speed, to feel joy so pure and so strong that it wiped the darkness away, at least for a while. Castiel could only be described in that moment as joyful, and if any of the usual locals or tourists had happened to be around to witness his displays of aerial acrobatics, they would have been transfixed as much by the strong wings as by the man himself, totally and completely careless in his flight. 

The illusion of freedom, as all illusions do, dissolved with one word, uttered in a nightmarish prayer that caused the angel’s heart to twist.

“Cass!”

It took all of a second for Castiel to snap to attention as the word echoed through his Grace. He knew that voice, of course he would. He pieced that body together, knitted each molecule in its place with his own two hands. 

If his canyon joyride was fast, it was nothing compared to the speed his beating wings gave him as he pummelled towards the tug of a particular handprint burned into a particular man’s shoulder. Castiel felt a pang of guilt, knowing he had lied when he told the boys no angel could find them if they were marked. It was mostly true; no angel except him. Not even a ribcage worth of engraved symbols could trump the strength of a mating claim. With a single handprint, Castiel had wrapped himself around Dean’s very bones.

Castiel flew so fast that the pang of guilt barely had time to hurt properly before he flapped to a stop in the middle of the small motel room, sending up his own prayer of thanks that the boys were so close. 

What Castiel did not expect was for both boys to be alive and well, sleeping in their beds. He let his wings slip out of the corporeal dimension and stood completely still for a moment, utterly confused as to why he was called. 

Sam exhaled softly, appearing to be deep in sleep, so Castiel turned his attention to Dean’s sleeping form. As he approached Dean’s bed, he could feel the waves of distress rolling off of him. 

Dean let out a tortured gasp and flung both arms out, hitting the mattress with closed fists.

“Cas please…oh god somebody please..” 

Castiel’s heart dropped as his eyes adjusted, now clearly seeing the light sheen of sweat covering Dean and the sheets twisted all around him. He sat at the edge of Dean’s bed, close but not touching him, unsure of how to help and what he was wanted for.

“Save him..get him…out of here” Dean groaned. He twisted to the side and curled in on himself, his knees bumping Castiel in the back.

Even in the dark, Castiel could see how pale he was, the colour completely drained from his face. Dean’s teeth were clenched, remembering some past pain, and his chest heaved as he gasped in each breath like he was fighting for it. 

Castiel raised his hand and placed two fingers gently on Dean’s forehead. He saw clearly then what was torturing Dean as twisted visions of Hell washed over him. 

Dean was suspended by barbed wire, hanging upside down and dripping blood, ribbons of flayed skin scattered along the wires beneath and around him. There was no ground in sight, no way to know which way he was facing. Worse than this, Dean could hear Sammy’s tortured cries somewhere beside him. He tried to twist around to see him, ensnaring himself in the wire further, but he didn’t seem to care. In the nightmare, Dean’s eyes were burned shut, charred skin oozing droplets of blood like they were tears, and he couldn’t see his brother, or stop his pain. 

Castiel gritted his teeth and willed the nightmare to remove itself from Dean’s mind. He felt the dark tendrils of horror wash out of Dean and into him, where he let his Grace consume the nightmare in an effortless swipe. 

Dean visibly stilled, exhaled a shaking breath, and curled closer to Castiel, a sleepy subconscious motion that Castiel knew Dean would have been horrified to have done if he had been awake. Castiel’s heart squeezed, an odd feeling of concern and warmth washing over him. 

With a brush of his fingers through Dean’s hair, the cooling sweat surrounding Dean vanished, leaving him dry and clean. Castiel lifted his hand away from the short brown hair and stood to untangle the sheets trapping Dean and lay them over him straight. 

He looked down at Dean, now sleeping peacefully, and allowed himself a small smile. He would never admit that he enjoyed caring for the man, just as Dean would never admit that he sometimes needed to let go and be cared for. 

Castiel felt a tug in his gut and an urgent call for his presence from one of his sisters. He sighed, regretting in some way that he didn’t have the luxury to stay and watch over Dean until morning. 

it was an impulsive decision, but he kneeled by Dean’s bed and cupped his face in one palm, letting his thumb brush across Dean’s cheekbone once. Castiel felt his heart tremble in his chest. He knew he should not be allowed to hold Dean so delicately. Not after all the times he had left him and hurt him, involuntary as those times may have been. Castiel focused on the feel of Dean’s stubble in his palm, the warmth of his skin, and the soft brush of Dean’s hair against his fingertips. He wanted to memorize this feeling, knowing he would not likely have another chance at intimacy like this. 

In that moment, Dean turned his head in his sleep and planted the softest of kisses in Castiel’s palm, completely unaware of his actions. Castiel felt a dark blush crawl up his face and he removed his hand and stood in one fluid motion, unable to tear his eyes away from Dean. 

He tried to breathe normally and calm his racing heart, knowing that Dean wasn’t even aware of what he had done and would NEVER have done that if he were awake. The kissed skin in Castiel’s palm felt hot, and he closed his fist as if to keep the feeling there. 

Castiel finally looked away, suddenly feeling completely overwhelmed, and vaguely like he had done something wrong, when his eyes locked with Sam, who was propped up on one elbow and watching the exchange through wide eyes from across the room.

Whatever the space between him and Dean had done to relive Castiel’s previous blush made no difference now as Castiel’s cheeks reddened further. With a snap, he brought his wings back into physical form and flapped powerfully, straight through the motel room ceiling. Even he was tired of his classic no goodbye departure, but he would NOT be having a conversation with Sam about what he saw. Not today, not ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Weeks passed. Very busy weeks, Cas reasoned as he ignored yet another Winchester prayer. 

The requests and one sided conversations were trivial things…Dean asked a couple questions about some ancient lore, and Cas avoided the guilt of not answering directly by placing a very helpful book onto a coffee table in Bobby’s house late one night. He told himself they would figure it out and left it at that. 

Sam’s prayers were a totally different ballgame. At first they were gentle requests to meet and have a conversation, then they transcended into demands, then finally a constant stream of grumbling. Cas didn’t know how he could focus on hunts while somehow pestering him continually in prayer. 

He wasn’t a fool..he knew very well exactly what Sam may have seen and thus would want to discuss, but there was simply nothing to say. There was no way Dean, arrow straight Dean who killed anything nonhuman on sight, would ever be comfortable around him if he knew how the angel felt. 

No. Cas would not come when called this time. He would continue to ignore the boys completely until Sam understood that this wasn’t something they were going to talk about. Besides, if either of them were truly in danger, they would say so. 

Of course, it only took a couple days before a purely panicked prayer came through. Castiel listened to a few seconds of Sam’s rushed speech - something about Dean being unconscious and trapped and without air - before he took off in flight. 

He really should have expected proper danger to come soon. That was just the way things went when you fell stupidly for a hunter. A hunter stupid enough to take stupid risks and get himself into impossible situations. 

In the flurry of guilt and panic and the push to just GET THERE Cas landed hard at the address Sam had uttered. He snapped his wings out of sight and looked around at the large open field. The field were Sam was standing - alone - with his arms crossed, a defiant expression on his face. 

Cas mentally berated himself. He had known these boys for years and yet he still fell for their traps and tricks too often. He hadn’t even checked to make sure Dean was there, he had simply trusted Sam’s panic and brotherly validity, a mistake he promised himself he would never make again. 

“Well its good to see that the prayer lines are still open” Sam said with a slight sarcastic twang. 

Cas shot him a hard look. 

“Dean isn’t here,” he accused.

“He’s talking to a witness” Sam answered, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“You deceived me.”

“Sorry Cas, I’m seriously sorry, but we have to talk.”

Cas debating leaving, but honestly, he hated having to keep the boys - to keep Dean - at arms length. Better to get this over with and move on, whatever that means. 

“You love him” Sam stated evenly, like it was a fact of life, something known and accepted by all, like how the sky is blue and the grass is green. 

Cas kept his face carefully neutral, a practiced reaction, a warrior’s reaction.  
“I love all of God’s creatures” he answered in as flat a voice as he could manage. He did a pretty good job considering how his mind was racing. 

Sam sighed, a soft and defeated sound of someone who was trying desperately to say something but didn’t know how to get their point across. 

“Listen Cas, I really don’t know how to say this. Its probably none of my business and after this conversation is over, I promise to never bring it up again.”

Something clenched in Cas’ chest, like they were both looking into a deep dark pit and inviting the messy conversation that lived at the bottom to crawl to the surface. Opening a can of worms, as the humans called it. He pressed his lips together and met Sam’s eyes, willing him to just get it over with. 

“Dean has been drifting for a long while. I don’t even remember the last time I saw him really truly care for someone the way he cares for you. I see the way he looks at you, the way he trusts you, the way he…wants you” Sam says eventually.

“I’m not pushing you into anything, I’m really not. But I think it would be easier for you both if you just talked it through. He loves you too you know..It gnaws at him and he doesn’t know what to do with it because he doesn’t see that you love him back. Dude…Its literally like watching a really horrible chick flick.” 

Cas heard nothing past he loves you too. 

What an impossible thing. He, a soldier, a creature with so much blood on his hands Dean’s were white as snow in comparison. He had slaughtered nations, endured brutal history, killed thousands of his own brothers and sisters, tortured humans, maimed and killed, tried to become God. He, loved by Dean Winchester? The thought was so impossible he almost laughed. 

“-so if you ever want some privacy or whatever just wink at me or something and I’ll leave and let you guys talk” Sam finished. With mild amusement, Cas noted his silence had probably pushed Sam into an awkward ramble, one that Cas had missed at least half of. 

“That is a lot to consider” Cas said honestly, because whatever he had heard was already a lot to work through. He was sure it was impossible, but Sam was Dean’s brother, he would know his actions and reactions and desires quite well. 

Hope flooded through him. He knew what he was getting into when he placed his mark on Dean. He knew that for the rest of his life, he would remain without a companion, without a partner, if Dean never responded to the mark. Cas was fully prepared for this when he placed the mark back in Hell, because thats what love is. It doesn’t demand anything in return. But even the possibility of something in return filled him with an indescribable joy. 

Sam must have caught a change in his face, a betrayal of his inner thoughts, because he smiled softly. 

“I’ve gotta get to the motel to pick up a book Cas. Please just..don’t be a stranger. It’s okay. Whatever is going on is okay.”

Cas’ mind flashed briefly to the look of shock on Sam’s face in the dark so many nights ago, and he realized with a swoop in his stomach that it wasn’t a look of disgust or horror, but was simply Sam putting the pieces together. 

It was okay. Sam knew and he didn’t hate him for it, didn’t demand that he never show his face again. He had even told him _not to be a stranger._

For the first time in a long time, Cas felt a flicker of hope. It was a weak flicker, but yet it was there.


	3. Chapter 3

Cas spent the next two days in a vicious debate. If there was a chance that Dean loved him back, he desperately wanted to take that chance. 

But if it wasn’t true, if Sam had simply misinterpreted his brothers actions, then Cas would be risking pushing Dean further away. The thought hurt more than it really should have, leaving a terrifying wide open feeling behind. 

But then again, if Dean wanted more, and having more would make him happy, then Cas felt he owed it to Dean to try. 

But then _again_ , he had never seen Dean date a man. Cas had endured through many of Dean’s one night stands and flings, and had stoically clamped down on the possessive anger he was SURE was just caused by that unruly mating claim. All those nights were with women. What if Dean simply could not feel that way about a man?

His thoughts swirled back and forth in an endless pendulum of _just talk to him_ and _get over him._

At one point Castiel even considered telling Dean everything he was feeling, and if Dean did not respond favourably, pretending he had been mind controlled during his speech. 

For a few minutes this seemed as good a plan as any, but then he realized he was being incredibly cowardly. He was a warrior for heavens sake. 

Cas finally decided to put some faith in Sam’s judgement, in the strength of Dean’s friendship, and in his own conversational ability. He figured if all went wrong, he would apologize for crossing any lines and they could all move on with their lives.

Although he rarely allowed himself to do so, Cas leaned into his bond with Dean and allowed it to show him where the hunter was. 

The vision was sharper than reality, with more colour and more noise than Cas’ human vessel knew what to do with, making the whole vision wobble. Dean was leaning over a motel sink, towel around his waist, shaving off the stubble that had grown in the frenzy of the last hunt. 

Castiel knew the routine fairly well by then. The boys would clean up, then Sam would step out to get some food while Dean packed up their belongings in the motel room. 

Cas pulled back and allowed the vision to fizzle out. He fished out his cell phone and shot Sam a text.

_I’d like to speak with Dean._

The reply came almost instantly, which was a good thing because if this didn’t happen right now then Cas would lose his nerve and it would never happen. 

_Leaving now. I’ll be back in an hour._

Cas forced himself to breathe steadily. He would be calm, cool, collected. The perfect picture of grace and manliness and stability. He would explain to Dean how he felt and Dean would laugh it off and maybe even give him a playful punch on the shoulder, Dean style. 

Dean would offer him a beer and they would turn on the TV and wait for Sam to come back. He would feel relieved that he had gotten it off his chest, and nothing would change. 

With a clear picture of the events that would surely unfold, Cas pushed off the ground and spread his wings, gliding effortlessly the few miles to the motel. 

Cas caught a brief flash of an empty parking lot as he flew straight into Dean’s motel room, confirming that Sam had indeed left.

“Shit Cas! What the hell man?” Dean asked in a rush as he startled from his lounge on the bed, spilling a slosh of beer onto the carpet. 

“We need to talk” Cas said as evenly as his pounding heart would allow. 

“What’s going on?” Dean asked cautiously, already preparing for bad news.

Cas hesitated. He took a step towards the bed, then felt too close and took a step back. Then he felt too far away and so he stepped closer again. 

Dean eyed him suspiciously and sat down on the edge of the bed, gesturing with his free hand to the spot beside him. 

Cas sat stiffly and turned to look Dean straight in the eyes. 

“Sam says I’m in love with you” Cas blurted out. 

Shit. No…oh no no no this was not how it was supposed to go. 

He looked up at the ceiling, wishing he could somehow take the words back and start again with something different. Of course he would mess it all up one phrase in.

Cas looked back at Dean, trying to keep the horror off his face while also trying to read what Dean was thinking. 

Dean however, looked frozen in place. For a moment he sat so still it didn’t even look like he was breathing, but then he stood and walked silently to the fridge.

He returned with two fresh beers and handed one to Cas before sitting down again.

_Slightly closer_ Cas noted absently.

“Are you?” Dean asked evenly.

“Am I…what?” Cas countered, sucking in a breath.

“Are you in love with me?” Dean clarified, surprisingly calm.

Cas didn’t answer right away. Didn’t really know how. It wasn’t as simple as a yes or a no, because there was no way to describe to Dean how deep his love for the man went. 

He loved him as he searched years for him in hell, singeing his wings and sullying them with the gore of all the demons he slaughtered. He loved him more as he drew nearer to the pulsing warmth of his soul. He loved him yet more when he finally found his soul, despite the fact that it was ripped to shreds. 

He melted with love when he pieced Dean back together, and Dean curled into him, craving the safety that _of course_ the angel would provide. 

He loved him every time Dean spoke, or moved, or breathed. He loved every beat of his heart, every grove of his fingerprints, all the spaces between his atoms, all the thoughts that ran wild in his head and made him _Dean._

There was simply no way to put the enormity of the love into words. 

“Yes” Cas breathed out, because anything more complicated would still not properly convey his love.

The word hung between them like a delicate thing that would fly away if either of them moved too quickly. Dean looked at him steadily, expression slowly shifting from a controlled blankness to something softer. 

“Okay” he breathed back.

“Okay?” Cas questioned lightly. He felt a little like an overinflated balloon. The wrong words spoken too sharply would cause him to pop and he would dissolve into something worthless and empty. Broken. 

“I um..well I love you too. You have to have known that by now.” Dean let out a short nervous laugh at the confession, then ran a hand roughly though his hair.

Cas looked at him in wonder. He must have misheard, there was no way he was worthy of any sort of affection from the hunter. Not from Dean..

“I just never made a move because, well, you’re an angel man. I have no idea how that kind of thing works, if you’d even want it, if you’re allowed. I didn’t want to make things messy and uncomfortable between us” Dean admitted, words tumbling out together. 

Cas slowly allowed the pieces to come together. 

Dean loved him back. Dean wanted him. In some way. Dean didn’t know if this was allowed, or possible. 

“There are no rules against an angel taking part in an intimate relationship with a human.” Castiel cleared. He didn’t mention his mating claim, and the fact that if Dean didn’t want him, there would never be another for Castiel. 

Dean smiled slowly, and it felt like the sun was rising. 

“Okay,” the hunter said again in a significantly more confident voice. 

“Dean I am not sure how this works either.” Cas confessed. He really didn’t know if he was allowed to touch Dean, to hold him, to follow him to the ends of the earth. He wasn’t sure if he would always be welcome around.

“Then we will figure this out. Together.” Dean quirked half a smile and Cas _melted_ at the sight.

Dean loved him and they would figure it out together. He felt like he could fly around the earth a couple times. Around the entire solar system. 

Dean took a small sip of his beer to hide his smile, and in that moment, everything was alright. 

————

Half an hour later, Sam poked his head into the motel room before opening the door fully and entering with way more caution than was really necessary. 

He looked relieved, maybe because Cas was there, or maybe because both the angel and his brother were still fully clothed and casually discussing how the last hunt went. 

He dropped a bag of burgers on the table, and unwrapped one before sitting down, eyeing the men curiously. 

He did not miss the way Dean reached down and laced his fingers with Cas’ to tug him up from his perch on the bed. He also did not miss the way Cas gave Dean’s fingers a gentle squeeze and did not let go even as they dug singlehandedly for their burgers. 

“Finally” Sam breathed out with a relieved laugh.

Dean followed his gaze to their joined hands, then looked up to lock eyes with Cas.

“Finally” he agreed.


End file.
